Feb 282011
 

Not the official winner. This is a computer simulation of the actual award ceremony.

At long last, after much delay occasioned by feckless judges who are next thing to derelicts and juvenile delinquents, using Numéro Cinq expense accounts to go on sea and surf vacations in Guadeloupe, stock their wine cellars, and buy braces for their kids. One judge financed matching face lifts for himself and his dog out of his NC per diems. This is what the management has to put up with. On the other hand, the judges are in unanimous agreement for a change. Their matchless literary tastes have coincided. And who cares about their personal foibles as long as they deliver pristine and irreproachable judgments—eventually?

And to this end, all the NC judges agreed, that for wit and arrogance, this time, no one could touch Sarah Braud’s entry (with or without the “illegal” numbers). The finalists were brilliant, but there was just too much twist in the tail of Sarah’s last line to resist. And in a literary world where often the words are delivered by and meant for men, this entry flips the entire culture on its head—starting with the words “rules” followed by the deliciously subversive “Avoid exercise.” It does it with sublime timing, exuberance and mischievous glee.

Congratulations! Three cheers! 21-gun salute! You are now the object of envy of the Entire Literary World, possibly the Universe. Soon people who barely know you will be asking for help with their entries for the next NC contest (and possibly small loans).  One piece of advice: Do not accept emails from NC Contributing Editors asking you for credit card and bank account information. It is simply not true that Rich Farrell needs your help to succeed to that $1 million inheritance from his Mexican uncle.

The list of OFFICIAL ENTRIES for this year’s contest is here. And the PEOPLE’S CHOICE winner is here. The Official Finalists are here.

The winning entry reads:

I have laid down the Rules:
1. Avoid Exercise.
2. Make art.
3. Follow a man who helps you and lets you hit him.

—Sarah Braud

Feb 082011
 

For the full effect, play the video while you read the announcement.

We got the most votes ever in the People’s Choice competition for the erasure contest. It was incontestably a hotly contested contest (dg still has packet fever). And many of you were very naughty and voted for multiple entries in an attempt, no doubt, to increase dg’s anxiety and insomnia (due to packet fever). The judges decided that in keeping with the inclusiveness of NC, all votes would be counted as first place votes (since there isn’t any 2nd, 3rd, 4th and 5th place prize AND since many of you didn’t distinguish between your first place vote and the others). This is dg’s solution in the face of what appears to be a Cairo-like mass rebellion of popular democracy. So be it. (And BTW dg loves you all.)

And the winner of the first annual Numéro Cinq Erasure Contest is…

NATALIA SARKISSIAN

for her amazing erasure creation—

YOU MUST, YOU MUST! I SAY

You must, you must! I say,
Make telling one another your Rule.
Formed to this method
Gives room to the Parts (disposed to Art)
To Practice Lightness, Suppleness and Vigour.

Act with a good Grace.
Fear the Blade of disorder.
Avoid Prudence.
Demonstrate that Enterprise procures Quality.

Opposed by Time, Counter to Time:
His Parade.
Serve Order. Give Light.

—Natalia Sarkissian

Sarah Braud ran a very close second place. You can count the votes for yourselves here (probably you’d better since dg had packet fever when he was counting). There were very many entries that got first place votes.

An anonymous child, age 9, who entered under the name Chirag won the Minnow Class People’s Choice. (DG was in touch with the child’s enterer–dg can’t think of the right word because he has packet fever–and there were good and lovely reasons for withholding the child’s identity. But the entry was legitimate and the prize well-deserved.)

The original contest post with all the entries and with the original text from which the erasures were taken is here.

dg

p.s. Now we await the official prize judgment, soon to be coming from the judges, the official judges of the official competition, as opposed to the riot of popular opinion displayed in the People’s Choice competition. You may have to wait a while since one of the judges has packet fever.