The photo dg calls “Swimming With the Loons,” also the title of his next book. It shows the now famous NC blue dog Lucy anxiously watching her fearless master (large dot) as he swims further and further into the lake in the company of a pair of loons (two smaller dots) whom he befriended. Initially, he gained their trust by mimicking loon calls and diving under water for extended periods. This is on Misty Lake in Algonquin Park, Day 9 of the EPE (Epic Paddle Event). (No animals were injured during filming. All stunts were performed by the author.)
It was during a moment of sublime unity with Nature such as this that it occurred to dg that the winner of the First Ever Annual Numéro Cinq Translation Contest had to be Gary Garvin, not just because of his hilariously parodic official translation but also (as Jacob suggested in his People’s Choice vote comment) because of his incredibly witty first response, that passage of Chinese characters (when he quite correctly noticed that dg had neglected to stipulate the language of the final translation–see all the entries here). Congratulations, Gary. Please feel free to fly out here at any time, and bring Rich Farrell’s bottle of Talisker when you come.
The other finalists were nearly equally brilliant and this is what flummoxed the judges for so long. The level of attack, of wit and arrogance, far exceeded our expectation. (See the finalists here.)
With this out of the way (luckily, most of you will have forgotten the contest, so we expect no protests), we can now push on to other literary competitions.
dg
Let me be the first to congratulate Gary on his award. Apparently, Gwen can no longer win since she is under the tutelage of the NC moderator. (Would that be an NC hat trick?) I’ve been there, Gwen. I still feel violated over not winning the villanelle contest…Oh, Paris, my Paris…but I digress. Gary, with all the honors and acolades goes the Talisker, but please note: It is chained to my left arm. So unless you plan to invite Mary Sutter over to amputate, I suggest you buy two tickets for Montpelier…or just buy one and wait until the late Dec./early Jan time frame. I’ll share with you, the blue dog, the loons and their friends, Hobbes, Gwen (twice) and any other over-acheivers, contributors, readers or patrons of NC. I might need to buy two bottles. Or three. Good thing the NC bonus checks just arrived.
Well, I’m flattered and proud, of course, but also need to rid myself of a sneaking suspicion. Could we see a list of the distances of the finalists from said bar? Some people — no one we know, of course — will do anything to not have to stand a drink.
How long do I have to claim the prize? I need to study up on Scotch — brands and costs. I understand 16 yr. old Lagavulin is respected.
I haven’t seen a good amputation in a while, however, and am thinking this option might be worth the expense.
g
FYI: I only fly business class or better.
Fly however you want. I’m just taking the scotch. I thought you’d want to leave your arm in San Diego.
I mis-interpreted your intent. I think Gwen was a more humble champion. Perhaps she could ditch Glover and I could save the arm and the Talisker.
Either that or I could lose the arm and drink the Talisker with you in the Pantheon of NC laureates. Do they offer one-armed discounts on Jet Blue?
This isn’t about winning a contest, Rich. It’s about Scotch. And getting a certain judge to pay up. I’ve changed my mind and am going back to option #1. Just made plane reservations.
Oh, hell. Just shoot Rich and take the bottle.
I never knew a man so close with his Scotch.
Also it might bear mentioning that RF did not enter the contest.
“You can pry my Talisker from my cold, dead fingers.”
I think Rich is with me on this. Talisker is preferable. I have a Lagavulin in my bottle closet but find myself reaching for the Talisker in a celebratory mood.
You have three days from the announcement (read the rules) to claim your prize. After that, you have to buy me a drink if you want to sit with me.
What is this nonsense about someone doing “anything to not have to stand a drink?” (You split the infinitive with a vengeance.)
Congratulations, Gary!
Thanks!
Congratulations to Gary, and I’m looking forward to an exclusive gathering of NC personnel (including judges, fans, and hangers-on) at some point (maybe in January in Montpelier?) around a bottle of Taliskers. Of course, by exclusive I mean anyone who reads this or who wonders by said gathering or who has a spare hour and empty glass.
wanders by, not wonders by
I wandered why you wondered. Did you get your prize? Just curious.
Congrats, Gary. I really enjoyed your stuff!