Apr 092011
 

Play video & music while reading the winning entries. Not suitable for readers under the age of 42.

Numéro Cinq is a refuge for anarchists, outsiders, rebels, misfits, petty criminals and layabouts (something like the infamous Hole-in-the-Wall hideout), and getting them to vote properly has been one of the most difficult of dg’s tasks (has he mentioned recently how he loves you all, in spite of your myriad faults?). The People have spoken and the message is as clear as this week’s vote for the State Supreme Court judge in Wisconsin. We have already had one objection to the official vote count. Surely there will be more. This is not dg’s fault. Some of you voted on the wrong post; some voted for two or more different aphorisms; some, instead of writing out the whole aphorism (thus making it easy to count), simply wrote down ONE WORD from the aphorism! As a group, you are the walking definition of the word “obstreperous.” As near as dg can figure, this year’s vote came down to a tie. You can see the votes and count them yourselves here. The official entry list is here. Even if you find voting discrepancies, dg will not change the results. Always look on the bright side…

And the winners are!

Continue reading »

Apr 012011
 
For voters unaccustomed to picking a winner, it will look something like this. (This is a computer simulation not meant to represent any real writer living or dead. No animals were harmed during the production of this image.)

 

Entries for the Second Annual Numéro Cinq Aphorism Contest are officially closed. As usual with NC competitions, the adjudication now splits into two streams. While the ancient & sapient judges retire to their secret meeting place (the NC travel agent found a very cheap hotel with a beach view in Libya—cases of Talisker had to be shipped in), you, the people, yes, YOU! get to choose the People’s Choice winner.

This is always a joyful and entertaining aspect of the contest judging. You get to read the entries, comment and vote or vote with commentary or just comment on the generally high quality, the wit, the arrogance, and the intelligence of the entries.

The official entry list is here. PLEASE VOTE IN A COMMENT TO THIS POST (NOT ON THE ENTRY LIST).

Helpful hints on judging literary contests can be found here! This is the actual handbook used by the official NC judges.

Read the entries, kick yourselves for not having entered this esteemed and wildly popular competition (if you didn’t), and place your votes in the comment box beneath this post.

You have one week (April 1 to midnight April 7) to place your votes!

Don’t forget to actually read the entries before voting!

And please quote the entry and the name of the author you vote for.

dg

RUNNING TABULATION OF VOTES

Gary Garvin’s “blue dog”   1 vote

John Webster’s: If you speak of heaven, you underestimate eternity. (or something like that.)   1 vote

Peter Chiykowski When someone says, “It’s a free country,” he is usually misunderstanding the difference between exercising civil liberty and being an asshole.  1 vote

Peter Chiykowski for: There’s no ‘condescending prick’ in ‘team’.     1 vote

Steven Axelrod’s “Money doesn’t buy happiness, but donations are appreciated”.   1 vote

Sarah Braud: You know you’re in trouble when you envy the girl in the “before” picture.  1 vote

Prophetic preachers aren’t. (John Webster)     1 vote

Richard Hartshorn “If the shoe fits, you still have growing to do”    4 votes

Axelrod’s “People say ‘Good Question’ when they don’t know the answer.”  1 vote

Jonah Glover’s apple eating aphorism  1 vote

Richard Hartshorn “If you can’t say something nice you’re probably watching Dancing with the stars”   1 vote

The fuzzy math of bad writing: rounding off any thought to the nearest cliche. (Steven Axelrod – putative King of the Aphorisms)    4 votes  (a couple of votes strayed to the wrong post, but I think I found them)

Axelrod: Doing does it.    2  votes  (2 votes placed on the entry list by mistake)

Axelrod: The essence of modern alienation: a man crossing to the shady side of the street on the first sunny day of spring, to see the screen of his smart phone.     2 votes (also misplaced on the entry list, I think)

Axelrod: When in doubt, watch the horizon and wait.  1 vote

Sarah Braud: Arrogance: often wrong, but never in doubt.  1 vote

(As of  midnight April 7)