Dec 042010
 

 

Canadians take these literary contests very seriously as you can see from this photo taken outside dg's house Saturday morning. Several bus loads of fans from Toronto, Montreal and Moose Jaw had waited through the night to hear the results. This put quite a strain on the bathroom facilities as you might imagine. Perhaps this is not a propos. If you look carefully in the top left quandrant, you'll see Rich Farrell waving the Stars and Stripes.

Click to play the music while you read the following announcement. Actually dg finds that if you play the music AND read the announcement out loud, you get the full effect.

Never before in the long and hallowed history of Numéro Cinq literary contests have the judges awarded a tie. But Anna Maria Johnson’s “The Way To A Man’s Heart is Through His Stomach, or Kitchen Ostinato” and Vivian Dorsel’s “Birthday Rondeau” just could not be weighed one against the other and found wanting. In all the judging categories (Degree of Difficulty, Execution, Creativity, Wit & Arrogance), they were found equal. Anna Maria probably would have won except that, as one judge pointed out, she did not use his favourite word “bastinado” which, given her rhyme scheme, would have fit perfectly. Her poem has a brash comedic sense, a beautiful little scene and the word “desperado” which is an NC word if there ever was one. Even so, for a while, Vivian had the lead in the judges’ estimation for her brilliant use of the word “presbyopically”—as far as we know, even Shakespeare could not work this word into a poem. Also for her straight on, mordant wisdom in the face of aging (something reminiscent of Thomas Wyatt here). Truthfully, these are both lovely, joyful pieces of writing, the sort of thing these contests are meant to inspire. But the fact that so many of you made the attempt is the most gratifying thing. Making the attempt, dg thinks, changes your brain for the better. NC is a mind-altering substance.

Anna Maria Johnson is a current Vermont College of Fine Arts MFA in Writing student and an amazing visual artist. Her poem won the NC People’s Choice competition. And she is already famous for her Novel-in-a-Box contest entry. Vivian Dorsel is one of dg’s former students and founder, publisher and editor of the splendid literary magazine upstreet.

dg

The complete entry list is here. The finalists are here. The People’s Choice winner is here.

Read the Winners!!!!

Nov 302010
 

NC judges are rarely photographed. In this instance, they appeared in disguise in order to conceal their identities. The man second from the right is obviously Gary Garvin.

The judges emerged briefly from their humid, smoke-filled grotto and handed over a smudged and much crossed-out and rewritten list of rondeaus. Across the top of the page, someone had written in pencil the word: FINALITS (sic). They offered a terse no comment to the international cadre of journalists, TV cameramen, and absinthe-sipping literary celebrities gathered for the announcement. Two of the judges escaped into the crowd and have not been seen since. The other three were rounded up by security guards and pushed back into the cave with much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Herewith, the list of finalists. As one has come to expect, the entries were witty, surprising, affecting and crafty, all at once and all of them. The finalists seemed ever so slightly, to the judges, to fly above the rest. Printed in a group like this, they are a delightful bunch of poems.

(The management wishes to thank all the entrants, especially the ones new to Numéro Cinq, many of whom no doubt wandered here by mistake and entered without realizing the consequences. Someone did write to complain that he thought he was buying a rondelle of Edam cheese on Ebay. His poem was tactfully withdrawn. One finalist, Jodi Paloni, happens to be a newcomer to NC. Go democracy!)

dg

Read the Finalists here!

Nov 292010
 

 

 

Play while you read the following.

 

To be slightly serious about this for once, dg wants to say what a pleasure it is to observe the élan and enthusiasm you all demonstrate in these contests. It’s fun to compete and win, sure, but this would be a waste of time if that’s all anyone thought about. It’s just hugely pleasurable to watch people try a little form, try something outside their normal routine, try at the risk of falling flat (or, worse yet, finding yourself changed in some unexpected way). DG loves the good-humoured banter, the camaraderie & commentary, the false steps and lightning bolts of creativity. Steve Axelrod goofed on his first try, then came within an ace of winning another NC contest on his second try. Vivian Dorsel entered once, misread the contest end-date, then, at the last minute, dashed off her birthday rondeau which also nearly won the people’s choice award. This time we had several entries from people we’ve never heard of before which is great. The thing to remember is, as Gary Garvin once wrote to dg in an email  (see growing list of testimonials on the About page), there are no failures on Numéro Cinq.

You can all count the votes. You all know the winner this time, by a hair, is Anna Maria Johnson for her absolutely gorgeous and astonishingly robust “Kitchen Ostinato.”


The Way To A Man’s Heart is Through His Stomach, or Kitchen Ostinato

By Anna Maria Johnson



In the kitchen, eating avocado,
Sits a housewife and a desperado.
He weeps gently while she peels a carrot.
“Things are not what they seem!” squawks her parrot,
then with his beak, pecks an ostinato.

The housewife drinks some amontillado
then scoops a handful of turbinado
to sweeten the tea before they share it
in the kitchen.

The cowboy, trouble aficionado,
tells her that his name is Leonardo.
He’s wasted years on things without merit.
Would he settle down now? Could he dare it?
He gives her a stolen carbinado
in the kitchen.